July 2010
9 posts
confession.
i hope she doesnt know that she scares me. when i am around her in any capacity she manages to put a smile on my face that i thought i lost. it is scary that she may be the one that can set me free, not give a fuck. i hope shes down for whatever insanity that we will go through. i hope she can really say that shes my newb.
“Me: okay beeetch just call me in an hour…
*cuts me off*
Mc: okay!
Me:...”
– when i was saying bye to my friend mclendall on the phone.
healthy.
i havent been healthy, in terms of what i expose my body to and how much i eat. i think it is time to slow my roll, get things down, and eat right. i have been living on a fast paced road trip to oblivion and today is the right time to actually give a fuck. i paid a lot of my attention on what is wrong and not what went wrong. i worry too much about being a good person and a great friend to people...
me being romantic.
when i rediscover my butterflies, i want to travel the world. i want to take a picture in a different place, next to something memorable so i can take a picture of it, that means i am going to take a picture of everything. i want to be free and see the world through my own eyes and not through the television lens.
i would want her to share this with me. the world, a camera, and me. pictures to...
love your loneliness.
if you ever lose your heart please do not forget how to love being by yourself. i guilty of this the most when i am alone that i become dependent on people’s company. i would want to be with someone, i cant stay still, i must be active but i think what i am trying to delay is the inevitable, being alone.
as much as i love to be happy and to be hopeful, all in all we will all be alone...
my secret lover.
if you dont know me then you will never find out that i love the piano above all other instruments. the piano is the only instrument that can best describes every emotion that i have ever felt in different songs and songs. there is a lot of versatility and a sensitive that makes the piano my own true love. i wish i never left my piano lessons, another thing to add to my list of regrets.
i suck...
cleaning therapy
when im mad.. i clean. it makes me feel empowered that i can do something so labor intensive, more like time sensitive, because it makes me feel good. i know that everyone can do the laundry but taking the time out to do it is another topic. having the time for myself to clean my clothes soaked with my problems is very empowering. sometimes when i cannot do anything but just suffer, it makes me...
useless.
friends are hard to forged but friendships are even harder to strengthen then maintain. there are always people who seem to fit better, laugh louder, and understand each other on deeper levels than others.
i am saying this because i am noticing the divide and i am acknowledging its existence. it is hard for me to believe though because at my core i am optimistic, if not, stupid, young, and naive....
April 2010
3 posts
me
i must admit that i have been reincarnated three times.
in my first life i was a tyrant with a mean streak and a passion for blood chaos reigned, darkness came my sword was my right hand while an ax was the other i wore no armor because what is living if there is no fear of dying what is the point of being dominated without feeling vulnerable. after the arrows & bloodlust i was subdued by...
“i have it all but what’s it all worth.”
– lil wayne
i miss love because i am not romantic anymore. i think i am losing out, waiting on someone that may never come, but i am stubborn. each passing day i realize that i have my best friend & i cannot go back on what i meant when i said she is my best friend. love & romance will never come before friendship anymore, you know why? because friendship is so much better than loving & being...
i will stop fighting myself, who i am.
what am i? educated, fun loving, brown, & women loving. above all those things i am a flirt & a tease, so why i have not been so? i think i have been caught up with my own personal desire to be taken seriously but all that has done is made me look like a beeeetch.. a real mean one, so let me scratch that idea of being taken seriously but im not serious. and if i dont take myself seriously...
March 2010
2 posts
i believe i am losing myself. i do not know what to think, what to say, or what to do. i really believe i have some sort of depression. there are a lot of good things in my life but i am not happy. i could attribute it to not being able to be by myself but.. for me.. i do not think that reason completely explains everything. i do not even know what to say or how to write poetry. this is the more...
January 2009
8 posts
luck to the night
i shed your skin like dried glued peeling away the soot that has accumulated.
you are no longer wanted in that same manner that had engulfed and changed my way of thinking these old ideas are just what i need to compare myself then be the contrast four walls packed so tightly that the sun does not shine, does not oust the black and i am alone.
the echo of my voice reverberates and bounces from...
art pieces
we are born golden statues and are raised to praise at our own altar. as we grow we weather the storm and wither, our gold only plated our rust revealed. our insecurities are thin metal that only enlarge at each hole but golden statues with chipped paint and gapping holes are art nonetheless.
change
i feel forsaken for the simple fact that words do not touch nor affect me i deflect the reactions that i do not want and instead reflect the kindness that has enveloped my soul the callused jokes i performed are no longer welcomed for my sarcasm is not funny as it once was misunderstood and mistaken for someone from the past my familiar face does not welcome new treatment but my will commands so.
...
my fingers tips are unique imprints of my soul second mother to my words ambassador of my will i stand still in front of this mirror with my hand draped over my face i listen to the stories of my palms with eyes closed i recollect my recollections shattering the silence of mute expectations progress is a process even in recession.
speech is flow. ears are microphones.
hearts are drum beats ears are microphones mouths are caves that echo the will of our souls i wish to speak into your microphone the most tender of words that will come off my tongue like bone and our hearts will beat onto one rhythm and our mouths, two caves sound of sweet symphonies music notes with fine strokes surround us make beautiful music echoing love into two pairs of microphones. let...
She is the pale moon and I am her cliffs.
the pale moon controls the crashing of waves that shape the sands of the shore organizing each grain into place for the next wave of people to enjoy.
seaside cliffs with jagged rocks are illuminated and without the beautifying rays of the sun remain ugly and terrifying to the untrained eye yet within hers, she sees the beauty hiden within the bowels of my soul.
“The way we communication with others and with ourselves ultimately determines...”
– Anthony Robbins.
“Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress.”
– Lil Wayne