July 2010
9 posts
confession.
i hope she doesnt know that she scares me. when i am around her in any capacity she manages to put a smile on my face that i thought i lost. it is scary that she may be the one that can set me free, not give a fuck. i hope shes down for whatever insanity that we will go through. i hope she can really say that shes my newb.
“Me: okay beeetch just call me in an hour…
*cuts me off*
Mc: okay!
Me:...”
– when i was saying bye to my friend mclendall on the phone.
healthy.
i havent been healthy, in terms of what i expose my body to and how much i eat. i think it is time to slow my roll, get things down, and eat right. i have been living on a fast paced road trip to oblivion and today is the right time to actually give a fuck. i paid a lot of my attention on what is wrong and not what went wrong. i worry too much about being a good person and a great friend to people...
me being romantic.
when i rediscover my butterflies, i want to travel the world. i want to take a picture in a different place, next to something memorable so i can take a picture of it, that means i am going to take a picture of everything. i want to be free and see the world through my own eyes and not through the television lens.
i would want her to share this with me. the world, a camera, and me. pictures to...
love your loneliness.
if you ever lose your heart please do not forget how to love being by yourself. i guilty of this the most when i am alone that i become dependent on people’s company. i would want to be with someone, i cant stay still, i must be active but i think what i am trying to delay is the inevitable, being alone.
as much as i love to be happy and to be hopeful, all in all we will all be alone...
my secret lover.
if you dont know me then you will never find out that i love the piano above all other instruments. the piano is the only instrument that can best describes every emotion that i have ever felt in different songs and songs. there is a lot of versatility and a sensitive that makes the piano my own true love. i wish i never left my piano lessons, another thing to add to my list of regrets.
i suck...
cleaning therapy
when im mad.. i clean. it makes me feel empowered that i can do something so labor intensive, more like time sensitive, because it makes me feel good. i know that everyone can do the laundry but taking the time out to do it is another topic. having the time for myself to clean my clothes soaked with my problems is very empowering. sometimes when i cannot do anything but just suffer, it makes me...
useless.
friends are hard to forged but friendships are even harder to strengthen then maintain. there are always people who seem to fit better, laugh louder, and understand each other on deeper levels than others.
i am saying this because i am noticing the divide and i am acknowledging its existence. it is hard for me to believe though because at my core i am optimistic, if not, stupid, young, and naive....